Category Archives: Straight Bitchin’

You’re not as jacked as you think you are.

Okay, I never do this, post a rant or anything personal, so apologies in advance to any readers who are here for their usual dose of Emblog-ness, but I’ve been stewing lately at the gym over this things that tick me off, and I hope my fellow work-out buds can relate. I’ve been gymming it since I was 14 and have belonged to a dozen different gyms, and these are my ultimate pet peeves. So if you ever see me at one, please refrain from doing anything on this list, or I might implode.

 

1.) Excessive Grunting and Wincing.
I KNOW everyone has witnessed someone doing this- the exaggerated facial expressions and weird grunting noises coming from some meathead who clearly spent more time in the tanning booth than he did in school. “OMG IS EVERYONE NOTICING HOW STRONG I AM AND HOW HEAVY THESE WEIGHTS ARE THAT I’M LIFTING?? RAWWWRRR!!” No dude, everyone is just noticing that you are a huge JACKASS and should probably lower the weights so you don’t hurt yourself (not that anyone would care if you did). I’m all for pushing yourself at the gym, but if you’re struggling THAT much, just go down 10 lbs. Duh.

2.) Weighing yourself after EVERY set.
No joke, I’ve seen multiple people do this. Crank out a few heavy reps and then go over and weigh themselves. They can’t even see the numbers on the scale because their muscles have INSTANTLY bulged out everywhere! It’s like magic!

3.) Flexing in the mirror after every set.
If anyone knows of an ab workout that immediately gives you a 6 pack 30 seconds after you finish the workout, please feel free to share. Otherwise, please pull your shirt back down and refrain from doing the Arnold poses in the mirror. You look like a tool.

4.) Women who wear lifting belts/gloves when lifting 5 lb weights.
I’m pretty sure it goes without saying that men don’t want to see a chick strutting around the gym wearing a big lifting belt (I could be wrong though?) Especially when YOU ARE ONLY LIFTING 10 POUNDS. I hate when I see women strutting around, looking all MACHO wearing one, and then get all excessive with the grunts and winces as they do 10 lb. curls. Also, if you think you’re that tough, take off your gloves and get some calluses on those manicured hands.

5.) Dancing/Swaying on the Elliptical.
It’s a MACHINE, not a GD Zumba class. Please stop dancing and bopping around singing to yourself.

6.) Wearing a winter hat and a Mank Top.
BTW, “Mank Top” is my expression for a man wearing a tank top (two things that just shouldn’t go together in my opinion). If you’re trying to sweat it out and lose weight by wearing a winter hat, great, but DON’T WEAR A MANK TOP WITH THE WINTER HAT. Isn’t that counter productive?! Wear a huge sweatshirt and sweatpants if you really want to sweat it out and lose weight. What’s the point of wearing the hat if you have on shorts and a mank?? You don’t look edgy at all, and no one is impressed by your flabby arms and tribal tattoo  you got in the 90’s.

7.) Bringing workout DVD’s to the GYM.
Ummmm… isn’t the whole point of a workout DVD the convenience of being able to DO IT AT HOME? For the days you DON’T GO TO THE GYM? Omg. This might be my biggest pet peeve of them all. People literally bring their laptops to the gym, occupy an entire studio, and do their P90X routines for all the world to see. WTF? Just roll out of bed and do it at home! That’s the whole point!!

8.) Excessive Socializing.
“Dooood I was at the gym or like 3 hour last night, brah. I was absolutely CRUSHING it”. Ummm no, you were doing the gorilla walk with your juicehead friends, comparing biceps and bench press abilities, while trying to talk to girls who wanted nothing to do with you. Nice try, brah. If you’re going to the gym, go and do what you’re supposed to do at the gym, WORK OUT.

 

Okay, sorry, I’m done. Just had to get that out there. When I open my own gym, I’m posting this list and allowing members to make kick anyone doing any of these things.

Burberry’s New Digital Campaign

Burberry launched a new digital campaign on their website, and I’m pretty sure it is being operated by the turtle that is seen above. It is soooooo sloooowwwwww. The concept of the site is really cool- you’re able to interact with the clothing by rotating your mouse, dragging and zooming on certain sections, seeing the clothes on models in 3-D. It’s a new way of being able to shop online, but unfortunately I just do not have the patience for it.. but I guess it doesn’t really matter because I also unfortunately do not have the budget to shop at Burberry.. so I’m not really sure why I’m pretending like I’m upset I can’t use this site..So all you lucky bastards who can afford the time and money… Check it out here! 🙂

Buzz? Lightyear? Yes. Google? No.

So I’m not really sure if I can handle Google Buzz. Between Facebook Chat, AIM, Tweeting, BBMing, Emailing, Texting, Blogging- I really feel like I might have a heart attack or brain explosion if I try to communicate in some other form. I am going to get all of my outlets super confused, and start making up stuff that I’m doing, totally by accident and confusion. Who’s down for some face to face conversation? Daft Punk is. I’m gonna go find them, and talk to them, and then tweet and blog and buzz about it. See ya!

(ps. it is amazing what you’ll find face to face…)

Really, WSJ?

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This was the only picture I could find online- but this is the cover of the Weekend Journal from Sunday.  The article was “The New Art of Alimony” which is great and all, it was a cool article, but really? Did they HAVE to use Comic Sans??? I expected more from you WSJ.  I always get my hopes up for the Weekend Journal (because it’s pretty much the only part of the Journal that doesn’t look like a foreign language to me) and I almost ripped it to shreds when I saw it this weekend.  I will cross my fingers for use of Helvetica or Garamond for next week.

The main medicinal instrument of the proposed Obama health care plan

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GD Windshield Wipers.

Its been nice weather for a while, but recently started raining again, and on my way home from the airport this morning, I found myself in a predicament that usually occurs when driving in the rain- the windshield wipers don’t match up with the speed of the rain.  Do you know what I mean? Its like, either they’re going too fast or too slow.  I usually set it on slow, but then the last few seconds waiting for the wiper to come around are like COME ON I can’t see anything.  But if you have it on too fast, you get that annoying “wahhhh” sound because there’s not enough moisture to wipe up.  Does this bother anyone else?  Or am I pulling a nutty?  This would probably solve my problem…..

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Dear Clint Eastwood

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Please move to Brooklyn.  Thank you.

 

Love,

Emily