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Okay, I never do this, post a rant or anything personal, so apologies in advance to any readers who are here for their usual dose of Emblog-ness, but I’ve been stewing lately at the gym over this things that tick me off, and I hope my fellow work-out buds can relate. I’ve been gymming it since I was 14 and have belonged to a dozen different gyms, and these are my ultimate pet peeves. So if you ever see me at one, please refrain from doing anything on this list, or I might implode.

1.) Excessive Grunting and Wincing.
I KNOW everyone has witnessed someone doing this- the exaggerated facial expressions and weird grunting noises coming from some meathead who clearly spent more time in the tanning booth than he did in school. “OMG IS EVERYONE NOTICING HOW STRONG I AM AND HOW HEAVY THESE WEIGHTS ARE THAT I’M LIFTING?? RAWWWRRR!!” No dude, everyone is just noticing that you are a huge JACKASS and should probably lower the weights so you don’t hurt yourself (not that anyone would care if you did). I’m all for pushing yourself at the gym, but if you’re struggling THAT much, just go down 10 lbs. Duh.

2.) Weighing yourself after EVERY set.
No joke, I’ve seen multiple people do this. Crank out a few heavy reps and then go over and weigh themselves. They can’t even see the numbers on the scale because their muscles have INSTANTLY bulged out everywhere! It’s like magic!

3.) Flexing in the mirror after every set.
If anyone knows of an ab workout that immediately gives you a 6 pack 30 seconds after you finish the workout, please feel free to share. Otherwise, please pull your shirt back down and refrain from doing the Arnold poses in the mirror. You look like a tool.

4.) Women who wear lifting belts/gloves when lifting 5 lb weights.
I’m pretty sure it goes without saying that men don’t want to see a chick strutting around the gym wearing a big lifting belt (I could be wrong though?) Especially when YOU ARE ONLY LIFTING 10 POUNDS. I hate when I see women strutting around, looking all MACHO wearing one, and then get all excessive with the grunts and winces as they do 10 lb. curls. Also, if you think you’re that tough, take off your gloves and get some calluses on those manicured hands.

5.) Dancing/Swaying on the Elliptical.
It’s a MACHINE, not a GD Zumba class. Please stop dancing and bopping around singing to yourself.

6.) Wearing a winter hat and a Mank Top.
BTW, “Mank Top” is my expression for a man wearing a tank top (two things that just shouldn’t go together in my opinion). If you’re trying to sweat it out and lose weight by wearing a winter hat, great, but DON’T WEAR A MANK TOP WITH THE WINTER HAT. Isn’t that counter productive?! Wear a huge sweatshirt and sweatpants if you really want to sweat it out and lose weight. What’s the point of wearing the hat if you have on shorts and a mank?? You don’t look edgy at all, and no one is impressed by your flabby arms and tribal tattoo you got in the 90’s.

7.) Bringing workout DVD’s to the GYM.
Ummmm… isn’t the whole point of a workout DVD the convenience of being able to DO IT AT HOME? For the days you DON’T GO TO THE GYM? Omg. This might be my biggest pet peeve of them all. People literally bring their laptops to the gym, occupy an entire studio, and do their P90X routines for all the world to see. WTF? Just roll out of bed and do it at home! That’s the whole point!!

8.) Excessive Socializing.
“Dooood I was at the gym or like 3 hour last night, brah. I was absolutely CRUSHING it”. Ummm no, you were doing the gorilla walk with your juicehead friends, comparing biceps and bench press abilities, while trying to talk to girls who wanted nothing to do with you. Nice try, brah. If you’re going to the gym, go and do what you’re supposed to do at the gym, WORK OUT.

Okay, sorry, I’m done. Just had to get that out there. When I open my own gym, I’m posting this list and allowing members to make kick anyone doing any of these things.